julio 28, 2014

Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.
Tori Amos, Death - The High Cost Of Living 

julio 16, 2014

My mamma, she loves you.
No matter what she says it's true.
I know that she hurts you,
but remember I love you too.

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away.
Don't wanna go back to that place,
but don't have no choice, no way.
It ain't easy growin up in World War III,
never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me
like it did my family.

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, mommy I'll do anything.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, daddy please don't leave.

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy,
let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally.

So.. P!nk is killing me.

junio 23, 2014

Next to your heartbeat where I should be,
keep it deep within your soul.

And if you hurt me
well, that's okay baby, only words bleed.
Inside these pages you just hold me,
and I won’t ever let you go.

When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me
under the lamppost back on Sixth street,
hearing you whisper through the phone:
"Wait for me to come home."

Photograph, Ed Sheeran.
Cada día estoy más segura de que este tipo intenta matarme con sus canciones.

junio 18, 2014

Vanessa Ives: Control.
Dorian Gray: Yes. What if you were to abandon this?
Vanessa Ives: I couldn't.
Dorian Gray: Why?
Vanessa Ives: There are things within our soul that can never be unleashed.
Dorian Gray: What would happen if they were?
Vanessa Ives: They would consume us, we would cease to be and another would exist in our place, without control. Without limits.

mayo 22, 2014

I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of "forevers". We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night, our love came when we had given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms willbandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used to trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it's still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection... But please know: wether it's the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day, I will love you when you are a hurricane.

--Mouthful of forevers, Clementine von Radics.

mayo 15, 2014

London Underground.

 "You'll just have to make the best of it down here," he said to Richard, "in the sewers and the magic and the dark." And then he smiled, hugely, whitely: a gleaming grin, monumental in its insincerity. "Well-delightful to see you again. Best of luck. If you can survive for the next day or two," he confided, "you might even make it through a whole month." And with that he turned and strode off through the sewer, after Door and Hunter.
 Richard leaned against a wall and listened to their footsteps, echoing away, and to the rush of the water running past on its way to the pumpink stations of East London, and the sewage works. "Shit," he said. And then, to his surprise, for the first time since his father died, alone in the dark, Richard Mayhew began to cry.

Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman.

abril 09, 2014

I’ve had so many knives stuck into me, when they hand me a flower I can’t quite make out what it is. It takes time.

Charles Bukowski 

marzo 26, 2014

The Doctor: Amy, you need to start trusting me. It's never been more important.
Amelia Pond: But you don't always tell me the truth.
The Doctor: If I always told you the truth, I wouldn't need you to trust me.

Moffat exists only to ruin people's lives.
En mi última entrada dije que iba a intentar escribir todos los días para practicar para un final. Sí, bueno, no funcionó.

febrero 26, 2014

The Last Morning Train

I need to practice my narrative for a final exam, so I asked the Nerdfighters for some help. They gave me some titles and/or ideas for inspiration and now I want to pick some and write about them. I won't have much time the day of the final so this will be aaaall improvisation. Let's see what I can do. My idea is to write at least two or three per week, I don't know if I'll have the time but I'll try. So this begins with...

"The Last Morning Train"

I was never a fan of the "once upon a time" kind of stories, but this was actually once upon a time. It's one of those stories that you find in small towns, the ones in which you don't know exactly when they took place or who were the real characters involved. The kind of story you can hear from old people talking in the park, or kids telling it to each other after they heard it from another friend or some relatives at home. I should warn you before you keep reading, this story has no ending.
So there was She. We don't know who She is. She was a traveller, never spent more than a week on each town. But, you know, when you hear about someone who travels a lot ou might think of someone.. nostalgic, without real friends or family or roots. She wasn't like that, She was always nice and with a big, radiant smile on her face. They say She never felt homeless because she never had an actual home. Once someone from this town had a small talk with her and asked about that, about her way of living life without settling down, apparently She answerd "you know what they say: home is where the heart is! Well my heart is where the wind takes it, and I don't need anything else." 
Clearly something happened, or this wouldn't be a story worth telling. They say she met someone, or He was someone from her past, they don't know for sure, but there He was, at the train station, smiling straight at her. He had one of those charming smiles that can make you blush. She looked at him and smiled back, and that was it. It was in the air, that something between them that made people think they belonged with each other. They took off on the same train on that autumn morning, and nobody knows what happened. Nobody knows if they talked, if they travelled together, if they never saw each other again. That's what people like about this story, they can speculate, they can invent the ending they want. People love doing that.
Personally, I like to think they ended up together. I have a thing for tragedies, yes, but sometimes a happy ending is just what you need.

--aaaaand I didn't actually like this one but whatever. I'm not inspired, I'm tired. The point is my grammar after all. I just thought it would be nice to write again.

febrero 25, 2014

Catarsis de martes a la noche.

[I can feel the pressure, it's getting closer now]

Did you ever notice how many of my posts start with "I don't know what to do now"? I do. There's a lot of that. I hate not knowing, I hate losing control. I really don't know how to handle all of this right now. I'm so full of shit I just wanna scream my lungs out and break my vocal chords.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, like I try to have all under control but I can't. Everything falls from my hands like sand and I can't deal with that. 
And no, I can't relax, I don't have the time. You may say "everything is gonna be okay" yes, thank you, I hope so too, but it's not about the future that I'm so stressed, it's about the present, the fear I have right NOW, the nightmares, the nights when I can't sleep at all thinking, thinking, and thinking. You also may say that I'm a drama queen, YES I KNOW THAT TOO, but this is beyond that. This is me trying not to cry my eyes out every day over my stupid books and notes and stuff. Trying to smile at home even when I don't feel like it, trying to think of anything else, to clear my mind.. 
I try, I can't. And I'm pushing people away 'cause I feel like they can't help me, and I don't want to get extremely nervous or angry or shit like that and end up alone. So I just sit in my bed with my coffee and my books and try to focus, and try to get everything right, and try to fix all of this shit I'm doing wrong, and try not to stress so much, and try to smile for real, and try to think about good stuff, and it's HARD, SO HARD, but I wanna make it.
Please, I don't wanna be alone right now. I can't do this by myself. I need to fight my stupid demons. Please. My head is about to explode.

I can do this, can't I? Yes I can. I'm gonna be fine..

febrero 17, 2014

Annnnnd, yes, I'm totally cheesy.

Settle down with me,
cover me up,
cuddle me in.

Lie down with me
and hold me in your arms

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck..
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved,
(you wanna be loved,
you wanna be loved).
This feels like falling in love,
(falling in love,
we're falling in love).

Settle down with me
and I'll be your safety,
you'll be my lady.

I was made to keep your body warm,
but I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms.

My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck..

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved,
(you wanna be loved,
you wanna be loved).
This feels like falling in love,
(falling in love,
we're falling in love).

Yeah, I've been feeling everything
from hate to love,
from love to lust,
from lust to truth.
I guess that's how I know you
so I hold you close to help you give it up.

So kiss me like you wanna be loved,

(you wanna be loved,
you wanna be loved).
This feels like falling in love,
(falling in love,
we're falling in love).

This is your fault, and Ed Sheeran's.
So I kinda had some complicated days since I started 'college' (I'm not in college yet, I'm trying to get in). I've been too nervous and jumpy about everything and that wasn't good for me or anyone around me, especially that one person. I was being a walking disaster technically.
But I didn't write about it 'cause there was some stuff I needed to keep to myself. OF COURSE that dind't work and made my brain explode, because let's face it, keeping what's bothering me just to myself is not a good idea, I mean, sooner or later I was going to screw everything up... and I did.
At least I faced my fears and said all I needed to say. It wasn't the best way to do it but well..
I think nothing's broken anyway. I mean, there was, clearly, some damages, but nothing that can't be fixed (I hope).

NOW, I can say I'm happy, I'm doing my best with.. well everything. Even though my braing is MELTING for all the papers I need to read and all that stuff that comes with being finally a college student (well, close enough).. I wanna believe that I can make this work. And by "this" I don't mean just the study part, I mean all that other stuff that went wrong in the last weeks.
So.. that's it. I'll write when I feel like it, but I'm starting this thing called "TALKING" you know? With someone? Yeah, that's normal for you, not for me, so wish me luck.
BTW I'm not checking grammar before posting this so whatever.